Author: Polly

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Stuck

stuck in a pit

“How are you doing?” It’s not a question we care to answer honestly with just anyone, so the answer is often short and sweet. I do hope you have someone in your life with whom you can discuss  the topic on a deeper level. After all, we were made for community. Are you feeling stuck in your circumstances by any chance? If so, keep reading. There’s a remedy for that!  

Grief Journey

My dad passed away nearly 8 months ago. It’s been a REALLY busy 8 months, possibly on purpose, but not necessarily. Some days feel like a struggle to stay afloat. I didn’t really have time to work through my grief or even give much thought to it. So, in response to a nudge from the Holy Spirit, I signed up for something else to do! I signed up for GriefShare through my church. It wasn’t because I needed something else to do, but rather, it was because I needed to do something else—address my grief. It was my way of forcing myself to sit still long enough to face my grief and work through it. The bonus, I think, has been going on this journey with a group of women that I didn’t even know beforehand. We’ve come to enjoy spending our Monday evenings together.  

The title of last week’s lesson was “Stuck” and I’m sure we’ve all been there at one time or another. Maybe you’re there right now. I don’t know the current circumstances of your life, but I have a feeling you are facing some challenges. After all, Jesus assured us that we WILL have trouble in this world (John 16:33). Trouble comes in all shapes and sizes—a troubling diagnosis, a pink slip, a broken relationship, financial strife, the death of a loved one, etc. Sometimes the trouble is so overwhelming that we become paralyzed by it, unable to move. We get stuck!  

The Solution

If you find yourself stuck right now, I have the perfect antidote—gratitude. It’s a popular topic this week as we prepare to celebrate Thanksgiving. Do you have an attitude of gratitude? We learned in GriefShare that gratitude is a healer.  By placing our focus on the good, the difficulties we are experiencing lose their potency. Look around—search for beauty and blessings. They are there! Let’s not allow our feelings to boss us around. Instead, let’s stand firm in the truth.  

The Reason—Jesus

“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT 

As followers of Christ, we ALWAYS have reason to be thankful. Jesus saved us from our sins by dying on a cross. That’s how much He loves us. And three days later the tomb was empty—He defeated death! Through faith in Jesus, we have the promise of spending eternity with Him.

We can trust Him with our trouble and be thankful in the midst of it.  No matter the difficulty, we can find comfort in knowing that God is with us and will bring goodness and love into the situation. 

“Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.” 

Psalms 23:6a NIV 

For that, I am thankful! Clothe yourself with an attitude of gratitude as you gather round the table to celebrate Thanksgiving. It’ll look good on you. So good that you may never want to take it off!  

Wishing you and yours a blessed Thanksgiving!  

The outcome of an attitude of gratitude.
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Custom-Made

The Dress

Once we got the bride outfitted for the big day, it was my turn to find just the right attire for the mother-of-the-bride. That was a tall task, but eventually there was agreement on the best option for me. Mind you, we did all this online. I went to place my order and asked for some help by clicking “What size am I?”. That took me to a chart of measurements for the various sizes of the dress. I took my measurements and found them to be ALL over that chart. I think it may have been best to toss the dice to figure out which size to order! As a result, I ended up ordering a “try on” dress to determine if I liked it enough to have it made specifically for me. There is no turning back with a custom-made dress. If you order one, it’s yours—like it or not!

The Comparison Trap

This dress experience could be a metaphor for my life. I never did fit into the box very well! Being the youngest of my parents’ three daughters, I naturally looked up to and followed the lead of my older sisters. I still do! We grew up on a dairy farm and they both won the title of Somerset County Dairy Princess when they were 16. I succumbed to self-induced pressure to enter the contest when I got to that magical age as well. As it turned out, I crashed and burned during the pageant, completely freezing during the onstage interview. I can laugh about it now, but it was humiliating at the time. What was I thinking? I don’t even like milk!

Living Outside the Box

Whether it was my sisters, my classmates, or other peers along life’s journey, I always seemed to be comparing myself to others and coming to the conclusion that I just don’t fit into the box. There were times I was thrilled by that, like when I was the only girl on my Little League and Junior Legion baseball teams. But, more often than not, I felt like I just didn’t measure up. To me, it seemed like I was always living outside the box where I thought the “normal” people resided. Well, guess who constructed that box? Me! I was my own worst enemy.

The Impact of Two Books

You may have picked up on my use of the past tense in the preceding paragraph and are wondering what changed? And when? It was a book that was written 20 years ago AND a book that was written some 2000 years ago that changed my whole perspective.

Twenty years ago, Rick Warren wrote The Purpose Driven Life, and I participated in a church-wide study of it shortly thereafter. There were 40 readings, one for each day of the study. It was Day #2 that changed everything for me. The title of that reading is “You Are Not an Accident.” Perhaps you need to hear that today just as I did back then. Your parents may or may not have planned you, but God certainly did.

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

Psalms 139:13 NLT

We are custom-made by God. He made each one of us ON purpose, FOR a purpose. And guess what? God doesn’t make mistakes! That was a game-changer for me. My parents and yours possessed exactly the DNA God needed to create us.

“I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born.”

Isaiah 44:2a CEV

Let that sink in. We were custom-made BY God and FOR God before we even took our first breath. Our purpose for being here is to bring glory to God, but that will look different for each of us because we have been uniquely created by Him. Once that truth settled into my heart, I felt several pounds lighter. There was no longer a need to drag around my personal “measurement” box to see if I fit. I started living into who He created me to be, and that freedom refreshed my soul.

No Box Necessary

From the words of Christian artist, Francesca Battistelli, “I’m free to be me; And you’re free to be you.” God wouldn’t want it any other way.

The Perfect Fit

I entered my measurements and placed an order for that mother-of-the-bride dress that I tried on earlier. My custom-made dress should arrive in another month or so. No alterations necessary—I’m counting on it!

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My Dad—A Character with Exemplary Character

December 8, 1930 – March 26, 2022

My dad was quite a character! He loved a good laugh, whether he was the one chuckling or the one who caused others to bust a gut. As his quality of life declined over the past year, he still managed to be a source of laughter, even in the midst of his pain.

A Real Character

One of my favorite memories goes back to the night we were changing our calendars to a new century. Leading up to that night, there was a lot of apprehension in the world concerning the coming Y2K. Many a theory was hatched regarding what might happen when the clock struck midnight that night. My parents had their whole family gathered at their farmhouse to ring in the year 2000. As midnight approached, we were all gathered around the TV to watch the ball drop in New York City. Unbeknownst to the rest of us, my dad managed to sneak out of the room. When the clock struck 12:00, the power went out and we sat in total darkness. Well, almost. My brother looked out the window and happened to notice that there was a light on out at the barn. That’s when we figured out that Dad was behind the power outage. He went to the basement and threw the breaker off to the whole house at the precise arrival of Y2K! We, including my dad, laughed until our sides hurt. That is, once the power was restored!

With Character

Yes, he was quite a character. More importantly, he possessed character admired by many. That was evident on the Thursday afternoon of his funeral when the church was full of people wanting to join us in celebrating his 91 plus years of life here on earth.

Putting Thoughts into Words

Those who know me have come to know that writing is my therapy. It is my way of processing what’s on my mind. Unfortunately, in the days following my dad’s death, we were so busy with all the tasks that come with planning a funeral, that the only thing I wrote was an obituary, and that was a group effort! Finally, after my family had all gone to bed the night before the funeral, I sat in front of my computer and wrote an acrostic using my dad’s name to express my thoughts.

My Dad

JOYFUL – He never complained and made the best of every situation

AUTHENTIC – He was the same person in public as he was in private

YOUNG-AT-HEART – He kept going in spite of his pain, never wanting to miss out

————

LIKABLE – I don’t know of anyone who didn’t like him

UNCONDITIONAL – A word to describe his love for his family

TAKE-CHARGE – He was a quiet leader who always pursued solutions

HARDWORKING – He made sure the cows were milked twice a day, 365 days a year

EXCEPTIONAL – A word to describe his character

RELIABLE – A man of his word

———-

HANDY – A jack of all trades, able to fix anything

IRREPLACEABLE – How will we go on without him?

LOGICAL – A problem solver with no shortage of common sense

LOYAL – We could always count on him

EARNEST – He earned the trust of others with his honesty

GENEROUS – Always giving of his time, talents and money

AMBITIOUS – He never quit

SIMPLE – An uncomplicated, humble child of God

STEADY – He provided stability in the midst of challenges

————-

That is just a sampling of some adjectives I would use to describe my dad. It was only fitting that I chose his name as my guide that night as I sat in front of my computer trying to put my thoughts into words. My dad was, and still is, uniquely identified by the name, Jay Luther Hillegass.

What’s in a Name?

Solomon, the author of the Book of Proverbs, is thought to be the wisest man of his time. When God gave him the opportunity to ask for ANYTHING he wanted as he prepared to assume the throne in Israel, Solomon chose wisdom. Here’s what Solomon has to say about a name:

“A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”

Proverbs 22:1 NIV

That verse certainly packs a powerful punch, doesn’t it? I had the honor of watching my dad live out that verse from a front row seat for my entire life. He was rich, not so much in dollars and cents, but in character. That’s what I’ll remember most about my dad. It is my prayer that one day my kids will remember me as someone who sought to be a model of exceptional character through the guidance of the Holy Spirit as well.

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Surrender or Control?

The word surrender generally evokes negative feelings, doesn’t it? The dictionary defines it as ceasing resistance to an enemy or opponent and submitting to their authority. It sounds a lot like giving up! Conversely, control is generally viewed in a positive light. Control is defined as the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

My flesh desires to be in control, not surrender. But spiritually speaking, I am called to surrender. In Christianity, that means believers completely give up their own will and subject their thoughts, ideas and deeds to the will of God. But He is not our enemy or opponent! No one did it better than the sinless Son of God, Jesus. He, in the ultimate act of surrender, died a criminal’s death on a cross to pay the penalty for our sins—past, present and future. That certainly gives me perspective when it comes to surrender!

Who is Really in Control?

I like to control outcomes, or at least think I do. But the truth is, I’m not in control at all. I spent two years attempting to avoid surgery on my left shoulder due to a previously failed surgery. After exhausting all non-surgical options about a year ago, I met with a new surgeon. He placed me on his schedule after two brief meetings in April. I was all set for surgery at the surgical center on May 25. Or so I thought!

Plan B

Upon further investigation, my surgical team concluded that, due to high risk, my surgery needed to be performed in a hospital. They called on May 23rd to tell me and reschedule my surgery. Needless to say, I was unhappy with the change of plans, more so when they said the soonest it could be done was July 9. During the wait leading up to my original surgery date, I wasn’t exactly at peace based on my interactions with the surgeon. Nonetheless, I had myself prepared to go through with it by the time the plan went up in flames.

Plan C

In spite of my anger, the rescheduling fiasco afforded me time to seek a second opinion from a surgeon I had seen over a decade ago for my original bad shoulder (right). Surprisingly, he made me feel like surgery was the best option. And he wasn’t afraid to do it, unlike 10 years ago! He listened intently to my history and set me up with the appropriate people to clear me for surgery on June 2.

His Plan

I share this story with you as an example of a blessing in disguise. In the absence of peace with the initial plan, I prayed that God would either give me that peace or put a stop to the surgery. But honestly, I wasn’t expecting the latter. I surrendered, yet, somehow, I still thought I was in control! Even though I prayed that prayer, I was still mad when the plan crumbled. It didn’t occur to me in that moment that this was the answer to my prayer. It was only after sleeping on it that I was able to look at it through a different lens and see it as an opportunity. I was reminded of one of my favorite verses:

“We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28 CEB

Notice it says ALL things, not some things. Things that seem anything but good are used by God FOR good. Our perspective is limited, but God’s isn’t. He sees the big picture. We can trust in His plan because He demonstrated His unfathomable love for us through Jesus.

By taking advantage of the unexpected opportunity to seek a second opinion, I found something additional in the process—His peace.

“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.”

John 14:27 GNT

The Outcome

I went through with the surgery on June 2. It was a LONG summer of rehab, but when I turned the corner, I progressed quickly, much to the surprise of my therapist. By the time I finished PT, my right shoulder was once again the bad shoulder. I’ve grown accustomed to those limitations over the last 10+ years though. I’m thrilled to have one fully functional shoulder again.

With or Without Peace

Who is to say how things would have turned out with the first surgeon? Perhaps the outcome would be the same, but I don’t think we should sell peace short. Its presence, or lack thereof, made all the difference in my outlook in the days leading up to both surgery dates.

Surrender: The Key to Peace

I don’t know the trials that you are currently facing, but I want to encourage you to surrender control to Him. Seek the peace that only Jesus can give before taking your next step. You can trust in His plan, even when it doesn’t align with yours, knowing He will bring good from even the most difficult circumstances. That is my prayer for each one who is reading this post.

Until next time, you might find me out on a golf course. My successful surgery has allowed me to return to a game I once enjoyed following a 10+ year hiatus. The best part—it doesn’t hurt!