God has allowed this patient patient to get more practice since my last post. I never quite made it out of the tunnel. Instead, my faith muscle is getting yet another workout. The lyrics from the chorus of one of my favorite choir songs say, “we’ll walk by faith and not by sight.” That is where I find myself today.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
Hebrews11:1NIV
The Problem Identified
Following my most recent blog post, my incision broke open again, nearly seven weeks after my 2nd surgery. That led to another 5 days in the hospital and more surgery. Testing revealed why I wasn’t healing—I have a post-operative MRSA infection that reached the bone. Another neurosurgeon “washed out” my neck and I began a 6-week course of IV antibiotics. I’m currently about halfway through my treatment.
The Solution
I get an infusion every 12 hours lasting 77 minutes. There is no physical proof that this treatment is working, at least not yet. That’s where faith comes into play. I’m choosing to believe that healing is underway without seeing any evidence. That is, I’m walking by faith, not by sight.
Faith Defined
Faith is defined as complete trust or confidence in someone or something. There’s nothing wrong with having faith in my doctors and the medicine they prescribe, but, if my faith is limited to that, I’ve missed out on something so much greater. Biblically speaking, the object of our faith is a God who knows no limits. He is all-knowing, all-powerful and ever present, yet invisible. I know He loves me. Exhibit A: Jesus. Ultimately, that is Who I’m choosing to trust. How about you?
The byproduct of that decision…
“The Lord gives perfect peace to those whose faith is firm.”
Isaiah26:3CEV
May His good and perfect will be done in my life and in yours. Stand firm!
As you most likely already know, I’m going to be playing the role of “mother-of-the-bride” fairly soon. With this gig comes a lot of pressure! According to my mom, my appearance can only come in 2nd to the bride. Have I mentioned pressure? I knew I would need to step up my game to pull this off, so, earlier this week, I went on a field trip to Ulta for makeup.
Leaving My Comfort Zone
Makeup doesn’t exactly land on my Top 10 list of important things. In fact, it falls closer to the Bottom 10. I wear it, but I’ve never invested much in the way of time or money on it. By the time I was done being made up at Ulta, they had me looking pretty good without making me look like someone I’m not. That’s the goal!
How Much?
Once I had given my permission, the girl who worked on me retrieved the products that she used, put them in a little basket, and sent me on my way to the checkout counter. I didn’t know if I was to pay her for her time and efforts, or if payment indirectly came through the purchase of products. I quickly learned that answer when the cashier told me the cost. (Insert multiple emojis with eyes wide open) I spent more money on makeup in one trip to Ulta than I have in my entire existence! I got the goods, now it’s up to my sister, Jayne, to apply it. I’m not going to bear this pressure all alone!!
Is It Even Necessary?
All this talk of makeup and improving my outward appearance got me thinking. First, I’m so thankful that God loves and accepts me just as I am, blemishes and all. He’s more concerned with my inner beauty anyhow. There is no need to hide behind a mask, makeup or otherwise. He already knows everything about me. And He knows everything about you too. Yet He still loves us beyond our wildest imagination. Perhaps you need reminded of that today. You and I were carefully constructed by the God of the universe.
“So God created human beings in his own likeness. He created them to be like himself. He created them as male and female.”
Genesis 1:27 NIRV
Let that sink in for a moment. We were created by God and in His image. Remember, He doesn’t make mistakes. David recognized God’s handiwork in Psalm 139:
“You created the deepest parts of my being. You put me together inside my mother’s body. How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well.”
Psalm 139:13-14 NIRV
But then there’s that matter of sin which brings me to my second point. When Eve took a bite of that forbidden fruit, sin entered our world and separated us from God. He, of course, had a solution for that too. His name is Jesus.
Solving the Sin Problem
“For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And it was not paid with mere gold or silver, which lose their value. It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God. God chose him as your ransom long before the world began, but now in these last days he has been revealed for your sake.”
1 Peter 1:18-20 NLT
“The blood of Jesus is the covering that allows us to enter into the presence of a perfect and holy God. It was shed on our behalf, and it grants us membership into a divine family and access to God’s presence. It is the most precious treasure, and we should never lose our gratitude toward it.”
~Dr. Paul Chappell
The Perfect Makeup
The shed blood of Jesus covered our sin. I guess you could say it is the ultimate makeup. The Ulta makeup was pricey, but the ultimate makeup—it is priceless! May we never forget who paid the bill for our sin and what it cost Him.
My dad was quite a character! He loved a good laugh, whether he was the one chuckling or the one who caused others to bust a gut. As his quality of life declined over the past year, he still managed to be a source of laughter, even in the midst of his pain.
A Real Character
One of my favorite memories goes back to the night we were changing our calendars to a new century. Leading up to that night, there was a lot of apprehension in the world concerning the coming Y2K. Many a theory was hatched regarding what might happen when the clock struck midnight that night. My parents had their whole family gathered at their farmhouse to ring in the year 2000. As midnight approached, we were all gathered around the TV to watch the ball drop in New York City. Unbeknownst to the rest of us, my dad managed to sneak out of the room. When the clock struck 12:00, the power went out and we sat in total darkness. Well, almost. My brother looked out the window and happened to notice that there was a light on out at the barn. That’s when we figured out that Dad was behind the power outage. He went to the basement and threw the breaker off to the whole house at the precise arrival of Y2K! We, including my dad, laughed until our sides hurt. That is, once the power was restored!
With Character
Yes, he was quite a character. More importantly, he possessed character admired by many. That was evident on the Thursday afternoon of his funeral when the church was full of people wanting to join us in celebrating his 91 plus years of life here on earth.
Putting Thoughts into Words
Those who know me have come to know that writing is my therapy. It is my way of processing what’s on my mind. Unfortunately, in the days following my dad’s death, we were so busy with all the tasks that come with planning a funeral, that the only thing I wrote was an obituary, and that was a group effort! Finally, after my family had all gone to bed the night before the funeral, I sat in front of my computer and wrote an acrostic using my dad’s name to express my thoughts.
My Dad
JOYFUL – He never complained and made the best of every situation
AUTHENTIC – He was the same person in public as he was in private
YOUNG-AT-HEART – He kept going in spite of his pain, never wanting to miss out
————
LIKABLE – I don’t know of anyone who didn’t like him
UNCONDITIONAL – A word to describe his love for his family
TAKE-CHARGE – He was a quiet leader who always pursued solutions
HARDWORKING – He made sure the cows were milked twice a day, 365 days a year
EXCEPTIONAL – A word to describe his character
RELIABLE – A man of his word
———-
HANDY – A jack of all trades, able to fix anything
IRREPLACEABLE – How will we go on without him?
LOGICAL – A problem solver with no shortage of common sense
LOYAL – We could always count on him
EARNEST – He earned the trust of others with his honesty
GENEROUS – Always giving of his time, talents and money
AMBITIOUS – He never quit
SIMPLE – An uncomplicated, humble child of God
STEADY – He provided stability in the midst of challenges
————-
That is just a sampling of some adjectives I would use to describe my dad. It was only fitting that I chose his name as my guide that night as I sat in front of my computer trying to put my thoughts into words. My dad was, and still is, uniquely identified by the name, Jay Luther Hillegass.
What’s in a Name?
Solomon, the author of the Book of Proverbs, is thought to be the wisest man of his time. When God gave him the opportunity to ask for ANYTHING he wanted as he prepared to assume the throne in Israel, Solomon chose wisdom. Here’s what Solomon has to say about a name:
“A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”
Proverbs 22:1 NIV
That verse certainly packs a powerful punch, doesn’t it? I had the honor of watching my dad live out that verse from a front row seat for my entire life. He was rich, not so much in dollars and cents, but in character. That’s what I’ll remember most about my dad. It is my prayer that one day my kids will remember me as someone who sought to be a model of exceptional character through the guidance of the Holy Spirit as well.
The word surrender generally evokes negative feelings, doesn’t it? The dictionary defines it as ceasing resistance to an enemy or opponent and submitting to their authority. It sounds a lot like giving up! Conversely, control is generally viewed in a positive light. Control is defined as the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.
My flesh desires to be in control, not surrender. But spiritually speaking, I am called to surrender. In Christianity, that means believers completely give up their own will and subject their thoughts, ideas and deeds to the will of God. But He is not our enemy or opponent! No one did it better than the sinless Son of God, Jesus. He, in the ultimate act of surrender, died a criminal’s death on a cross to pay the penalty for our sins—past, present and future. That certainly gives me perspective when it comes to surrender!
Who is Really in Control?
I like to control outcomes, or at least think I do. But the truth is, I’m not in control at all. I spent two years attempting to avoid surgery on my left shoulder due to a previously failed surgery. After exhausting all non-surgical options about a year ago, I met with a new surgeon. He placed me on his schedule after two brief meetings in April. I was all set for surgery at the surgical center on May 25. Or so I thought!
Plan B
Upon further investigation, my surgical team concluded that, due to high risk, my surgery needed to be performed in a hospital. They called on May 23rd to tell me and reschedule my surgery. Needless to say, I was unhappy with the change of plans, more so when they said the soonest it could be done was July 9. During the wait leading up to my original surgery date, I wasn’t exactly at peace based on my interactions with the surgeon. Nonetheless, I had myself prepared to go through with it by the time the plan went up in flames.
Plan C
In spite of my anger, the rescheduling fiasco afforded me time to seek a second opinion from a surgeon I had seen over a decade ago for my original bad shoulder (right). Surprisingly, he made me feel like surgery was the best option. And he wasn’t afraid to do it, unlike 10 years ago! He listened intently to my history and set me up with the appropriate people to clear me for surgery on June 2.
His Plan
I share this story with you as an example of a blessing in disguise. In the absence of peace with the initial plan, I prayed that God would either give me that peace or put a stop to the surgery. But honestly, I wasn’t expecting the latter. I surrendered, yet, somehow, I still thought I was in control! Even though I prayed that prayer, I was still mad when the plan crumbled. It didn’t occur to me in that moment that this was the answer to my prayer. It was only after sleeping on it that I was able to look at it through a different lens and see it as an opportunity. I was reminded of one of my favorite verses:
“We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 CEB
Notice it says ALL things, not some things. Things that seem anything but good are used by God FOR good. Our perspective is limited, but God’s isn’t. He sees the big picture. We can trust in His plan because He demonstrated His unfathomable love for us through Jesus.
By taking advantage of the unexpected opportunity to seek a second opinion, I found something additional in the process—His peace.
“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.”
John 14:27 GNT
The Outcome
I went through with the surgery on June 2. It was a LONG summer of rehab, but when I turned the corner, I progressed quickly, much to the surprise of my therapist. By the time I finished PT, my right shoulder was once again the bad shoulder. I’ve grown accustomed to those limitations over the last 10+ years though. I’m thrilled to have one fully functional shoulder again.
With or Without Peace
Who is to say how things would have turned out with the first surgeon? Perhaps the outcome would be the same, but I don’t think we should sell peace short. Its presence, or lack thereof, made all the difference in my outlook in the days leading up to both surgery dates.
Surrender: The Key to Peace
I don’t know the trials that you are currently facing, but I want to encourage you to surrender control to Him. Seek the peace that only Jesus can give before taking your next step. You can trust in His plan, even when it doesn’t align with yours, knowing He will bring good from even the most difficult circumstances. That is my prayer for each one who is reading this post.
Until next time, you might find me out on a golf course. My successful surgery has allowed me to return to a game I once enjoyed following a 10+ year hiatus. The best part—it doesn’t hurt!
