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My Dad—A Character with Exemplary Character

December 8, 1930 – March 26, 2022

My dad was quite a character! He loved a good laugh, whether he was the one chuckling or the one who caused others to bust a gut. As his quality of life declined over the past year, he still managed to be a source of laughter, even in the midst of his pain.

A Real Character

One of my favorite memories goes back to the night we were changing our calendars to a new century. Leading up to that night, there was a lot of apprehension in the world concerning the coming Y2K. Many a theory was hatched regarding what might happen when the clock struck midnight that night. My parents had their whole family gathered at their farmhouse to ring in the year 2000. As midnight approached, we were all gathered around the TV to watch the ball drop in New York City. Unbeknownst to the rest of us, my dad managed to sneak out of the room. When the clock struck 12:00, the power went out and we sat in total darkness. Well, almost. My brother looked out the window and happened to notice that there was a light on out at the barn. That’s when we figured out that Dad was behind the power outage. He went to the basement and threw the breaker off to the whole house at the precise arrival of Y2K! We, including my dad, laughed until our sides hurt. That is, once the power was restored!

With Character

Yes, he was quite a character. More importantly, he possessed character admired by many. That was evident on the Thursday afternoon of his funeral when the church was full of people wanting to join us in celebrating his 91 plus years of life here on earth.

Putting Thoughts into Words

Those who know me have come to know that writing is my therapy. It is my way of processing what’s on my mind. Unfortunately, in the days following my dad’s death, we were so busy with all the tasks that come with planning a funeral, that the only thing I wrote was an obituary, and that was a group effort! Finally, after my family had all gone to bed the night before the funeral, I sat in front of my computer and wrote an acrostic using my dad’s name to express my thoughts.

My Dad

JOYFUL – He never complained and made the best of every situation

AUTHENTIC – He was the same person in public as he was in private

YOUNG-AT-HEART – He kept going in spite of his pain, never wanting to miss out

————

LIKABLE – I don’t know of anyone who didn’t like him

UNCONDITIONAL – A word to describe his love for his family

TAKE-CHARGE – He was a quiet leader who always pursued solutions

HARDWORKING – He made sure the cows were milked twice a day, 365 days a year

EXCEPTIONAL – A word to describe his character

RELIABLE – A man of his word

———-

HANDY – A jack of all trades, able to fix anything

IRREPLACEABLE – How will we go on without him?

LOGICAL – A problem solver with no shortage of common sense

LOYAL – We could always count on him

EARNEST – He earned the trust of others with his honesty

GENEROUS – Always giving of his time, talents and money

AMBITIOUS – He never quit

SIMPLE – An uncomplicated, humble child of God

STEADY – He provided stability in the midst of challenges

————-

That is just a sampling of some adjectives I would use to describe my dad. It was only fitting that I chose his name as my guide that night as I sat in front of my computer trying to put my thoughts into words. My dad was, and still is, uniquely identified by the name, Jay Luther Hillegass.

What’s in a Name?

Solomon, the author of the Book of Proverbs, is thought to be the wisest man of his time. When God gave him the opportunity to ask for ANYTHING he wanted as he prepared to assume the throne in Israel, Solomon chose wisdom. Here’s what Solomon has to say about a name:

“A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.”

Proverbs 22:1 NIV

That verse certainly packs a powerful punch, doesn’t it? I had the honor of watching my dad live out that verse from a front row seat for my entire life. He was rich, not so much in dollars and cents, but in character. That’s what I’ll remember most about my dad. It is my prayer that one day my kids will remember me as someone who sought to be a model of exceptional character through the guidance of the Holy Spirit as well.

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Surrender or Control?

The word surrender generally evokes negative feelings, doesn’t it? The dictionary defines it as ceasing resistance to an enemy or opponent and submitting to their authority. It sounds a lot like giving up! Conversely, control is generally viewed in a positive light. Control is defined as the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

My flesh desires to be in control, not surrender. But spiritually speaking, I am called to surrender. In Christianity, that means believers completely give up their own will and subject their thoughts, ideas and deeds to the will of God. But He is not our enemy or opponent! No one did it better than the sinless Son of God, Jesus. He, in the ultimate act of surrender, died a criminal’s death on a cross to pay the penalty for our sins—past, present and future. That certainly gives me perspective when it comes to surrender!

Who is Really in Control?

I like to control outcomes, or at least think I do. But the truth is, I’m not in control at all. I spent two years attempting to avoid surgery on my left shoulder due to a previously failed surgery. After exhausting all non-surgical options about a year ago, I met with a new surgeon. He placed me on his schedule after two brief meetings in April. I was all set for surgery at the surgical center on May 25. Or so I thought!

Plan B

Upon further investigation, my surgical team concluded that, due to high risk, my surgery needed to be performed in a hospital. They called on May 23rd to tell me and reschedule my surgery. Needless to say, I was unhappy with the change of plans, more so when they said the soonest it could be done was July 9. During the wait leading up to my original surgery date, I wasn’t exactly at peace based on my interactions with the surgeon. Nonetheless, I had myself prepared to go through with it by the time the plan went up in flames.

Plan C

In spite of my anger, the rescheduling fiasco afforded me time to seek a second opinion from a surgeon I had seen over a decade ago for my original bad shoulder (right). Surprisingly, he made me feel like surgery was the best option. And he wasn’t afraid to do it, unlike 10 years ago! He listened intently to my history and set me up with the appropriate people to clear me for surgery on June 2.

His Plan

I share this story with you as an example of a blessing in disguise. In the absence of peace with the initial plan, I prayed that God would either give me that peace or put a stop to the surgery. But honestly, I wasn’t expecting the latter. I surrendered, yet, somehow, I still thought I was in control! Even though I prayed that prayer, I was still mad when the plan crumbled. It didn’t occur to me in that moment that this was the answer to my prayer. It was only after sleeping on it that I was able to look at it through a different lens and see it as an opportunity. I was reminded of one of my favorite verses:

“We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Romans 8:28 CEB

Notice it says ALL things, not some things. Things that seem anything but good are used by God FOR good. Our perspective is limited, but God’s isn’t. He sees the big picture. We can trust in His plan because He demonstrated His unfathomable love for us through Jesus.

By taking advantage of the unexpected opportunity to seek a second opinion, I found something additional in the process—His peace.

“Peace is what I leave with you; it is my own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid.”

John 14:27 GNT

The Outcome

I went through with the surgery on June 2. It was a LONG summer of rehab, but when I turned the corner, I progressed quickly, much to the surprise of my therapist. By the time I finished PT, my right shoulder was once again the bad shoulder. I’ve grown accustomed to those limitations over the last 10+ years though. I’m thrilled to have one fully functional shoulder again.

With or Without Peace

Who is to say how things would have turned out with the first surgeon? Perhaps the outcome would be the same, but I don’t think we should sell peace short. Its presence, or lack thereof, made all the difference in my outlook in the days leading up to both surgery dates.

Surrender: The Key to Peace

I don’t know the trials that you are currently facing, but I want to encourage you to surrender control to Him. Seek the peace that only Jesus can give before taking your next step. You can trust in His plan, even when it doesn’t align with yours, knowing He will bring good from even the most difficult circumstances. That is my prayer for each one who is reading this post.

Until next time, you might find me out on a golf course. My successful surgery has allowed me to return to a game I once enjoyed following a 10+ year hiatus. The best part—it doesn’t hurt!

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Predetermined

Hmmm…..

What should I wear?

Does this match?

Which of these look best with this?

I get these questions frequently from my husband, Todd, when he chooses his outfit for going out and about. For someone who says he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, he sure puts a lot of thought into what he wears! Now that our outings are limited, I haven’t been asked those questions recently. Surprisingly, he hasn’t even asked me which mask to wear!

The Test

In our 30+ years of marriage, I can tell you how this scenario generally plays out. “Whatever you want” or “I don’t care” is my answer to the open-ended question. If we proceed to the next portion of the test, my odds of answering correctly increase, or so you would think. That’s because we move to the true-false (yes/no) or multiple choice section. Guess what? I rarely pass this test! If you would like to know why, read on.

Who Has the Answer Key?

You see, long before the first question is asked, Todd already has an answer set in his mind. He is just looking for confirmation from me. This is a subjective test and Todd holds the answer key! When I don’t give his predetermined answer, my test is marked incorrect. That leaves me feeling frustrated, wondering why he ever bothered to ask if he already had the answer.

Who is the Teacher?

Now that I’ve poked fun at Todd, I will assure you that he’s not alone. Just recently, while reading my current reading plan in YouVersion, I was convicted of having predetermined answers too. The plan is called “Trusting God – A Prayer Journey” and trusting God’s communication was the topic of the day. It became evident as I read that I sometimes do the same thing with God that Todd does with me when choosing his outfit. The situation is magnified by a horrific role reversal though—I appoint myself the teacher and God is the student!

I’ll pray about some concern that is heavy on my heart and ask for God’s direction in the matter. But, when it comes right down to it, do I really want His answer? Or do I just want God to affirm my predetermined answer? After all, I have the answer key. This has far more significant consequences than choosing an outfit! Ugh.

Who is Right?

Dare I get my red pen out along with my pride and mark God’s answer wrong when it doesn’t match the one on the key? Or do I humbly surrender to His will, knowing His answers are 100% correct. He NEVER got one wrong. Ever. And never will! I have gone the former route more times than I care to admit, but, as I continue to grow closer to God, I find myself choosing the latter more and more.

Voice Recognition

As you and I spend time with God, the perfect teacher, we will more readily recognize His voice. It can be heard in a variety of forms. For me, the struggle is to be still long enough to hear what He wants to say. That is probably a lesson for a different day! Nevertheless, it’s hard not to act on my predetermined answers. The beautiful thing is that God will redeem even that. His answers come as we listen along our journey.

“You will hear your Teacher’s voice behind you. You will hear it whether you turn to the right or the left. It will say, “Here is the path I want you to take. So walk on it.””

Isaiah 30:21 NIRV

Leading From Behind

God is ready, willing, and able to provide direction. But, isn’t it curious that He leads from behind? I believe that’s because He has no intention of ever taking away our free will. He will tell us which way to go, if we tune in, but, ultimately, that decision is ours to make. When we make a wrong turn, our route is recalculated to get us back on the path. The trip just takes longer. Just ask the Israelites! They wandered around in the desert for 4 decades when their journey to the Promised Land could have been measured in days, weeks, or months. I’m thinking they made a few wrong turns along the way. But they made it nonetheless!

We will reach our destination too. ETA is TBD. It all depends on how many wrong turns we make! Remember, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

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The Rest of the Story

“After Jesus drank he said, “It is finished.’ Then he bowed his head and died.”

John 19:30 NIRV

Finished. Dead. The End.

Think of the disappointment Jesus’ followers felt at that moment. The man who once stood among them performing countless miracles and wonders, often leaving them speechless, was dead. Jesus’ body was removed from the cross, wrapped in linen, and placed in a tomb. All hope was lost. Or was it? Read on for the rest of the story.

The Tomb Was Empty

On the third day, once the Sabbath had ended, three women from Galilee headed to the tomb where Jesus was buried to anoint His body. This took place early on Sunday morning. When they arrived at the tomb, they saw that the stone had been rolled away from its entrance. My daughter would say they were shook!

“but the angel said, “Don’t be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead! Look, this is where they laid his body.”

Mark 16:6 NLT

Double-Takes Abound

In the days to come, Jesus would appear to His disciples and select others. They were shook too! They thought their eyes were playing tricks on them. Before His death, Jesus had given the disciples advance notice of His death and resurrection, but it was beyond their comprehension. They heard the rest of the story, but couldn’t grasp it.

“because he was teaching his disciples. He said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be delivered into the hands of men. They will kill him, and after three days he will rise.””

Mark 9:31 NIV

Death Has Been Defeated

Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sin, but the story of our redemption wasn’t yet complete. Death did not have the last word. God raised Jesus from the dead and He is now seated at the right hand of His Father in Heaven. He lives! And because He lives, we, too, can look forward to spending eternity with our Heavenly Father. The redemption story is penned in a love that knows no bounds.

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.”

John 3:16-17 NLT

Victory is ours, if we choose to believe.

“But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

1 Corinthians 15:57 NLT

That, in a nutshell, is the rest of the story.

Right now, I can just hear my father-in-law singing his favorite hymn. Care to sing along? Let these words speak to your heart.

Victory in Jesus

1. I heard an old, old story, how a Savior came from Glory

How He gave His life on Calvary, to save a wretch like me.

I heard about his groaning, of his precious blood’s atoning,

Then I repented of my sins, and won the Victory.

CHORUS

Oh, Victory in Jesus, my Savior forever

He sought me and he bought me with His redeeming blood

He loved me ere I knew Him, and all my love is due Him

He plunged me to Victory, beneath the cleansing flood.

2. I heard about His healing, of His cleansing power revealing.

How He made the lame to walk again and caused the blind to see;

And then I cried, “Dear Jesus, come and heal my broken spirit.”,

And some how Jesus came and brought to me the Victory.

CHORUS

3. I heard about a mansion He has built for me in glory,

And I heard about the streets of gold beyond the crystal sea;

About the angels singing, and the old redemption story,

And some sweet day I’ll sing up there the song of Victory!

CHORUS

Sports may have been cancelled due to the Coronavirus, but Easter certainly hasn’t been. If you haven’t already, taste the victory that comes with a personal relationship with Jesus. It’ll be the sweetest one you’ve ever experienced!